Happy Birthday, Honey

Today is another difficult one.   I miss my Beloved so very much.  It has been almost six years since he flew away to heaven.   Happy Birthday, Honey.

Why?

This drawing was wrested from my broken heart two years after my Beloved flew away to heaven.  A little over two more years have passed since then and today is his birthday...

So many questions still remain--I am nearly overwhelmed with grief today.  Grief is complicated, there are so many mixed emotions... Yet there IS hope.  The Lord said it best, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.  (Matthew 5:4)

God is good.  He IS our God of hope.  Paul writes, "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." (Romans 15:13)

David the sweet singer of the Psalms wrote of his God, "You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy."  (Psalm 30:11)

 He is also the one who penned these words of hope.  "Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy." (Psalm 236:5)  

God understands grief and sorrow as no other.  Through the Prophet Isaiah God sent this beautiful message to those who love Him.  "To comfort all who mourn,  to console those who mourn in Zion, to give them beauty for ashes, The oil of joy for mourning, The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; That they may be called trees of righteousness, The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.”  (Isaiah 61:3, 4)

Sadness and grief are not comfortable emotions--a lot of folks don't know what to do or say, when confronted with them.  And that's alright. When someone you love is grieving, all that's needed is your presence.  You don't even have to say anything.  You are a precious gift, because those who mourn often feel totally alone.  

For those of you, who's hearts have been broken, there is hope.  The Psalmist wrote, "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."  (Psalm 34:18)  

We are not alone, dear ones and that is a comfort in itself.  May God bless your life with beauty and joy.  

Plumage -Paint Party Friday

Here she is, my lovely Melissa.  She is as kind and sweet inside as she is beautiful to look upon.  She's one of my adopted girls and I love her dearly.

Here is my reference photo.  Isn't she lovely?  I'm so blessed by this wonderful young woman's friendship.

As you can see, I am posting an older drawing again.  I am still struggling with this illness and am having a hard time completing all the things I need to do before I leave for Idaho next month.

April is a difficult one for me.  It is my Beloved's birthday next Wednesday.  He would have been 75 years old.  This May we would have been married 36 years.  I have been missing him a lot lately.

Still, there is joy to be seen in the sunshine, friendship and family.   God has put so many good things into my life--I have only praise and thanks that God has walked this heartbreaking journey with me every step of the way.

And there is His promise, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they WILL be comforted."  Matthew 5:4

Thank you for dropping by and thank you for your good thoughts and prayers.  I am sorry I took so long to post this week's artwork.  Dear ones, you are always a big encouragement--I look forward to your visits here! May the joy of Springtime be yours. 

 

Saying Goodbye -Paint Party Friday

With Valentine's Day quickly approaching, my heart feels melancholy.  Even now, four years later, it is hard to comprehend I am alone.  Sometimes I feel the presence of my Beloved, but as time passes I feel his presence less and less.  Still, there is a nostalgic magic in the air...

I sense I am saying goodbye to what once was and greeting the possibility of what will be.  Often when a person looses their spouse of many years, there is a reorganization of one's identity.  It isn't that I lost who I am, it is that I am embracing the woman I have become.  I am strong (most of the time), creative, active, loving and hopeful.

A few weeks before my Beloved flew to heaven, he told me if anything ever happened to him, he wanted me to fall in love, get married and be happy.  At the time I laughed, not knowing of course, that in a few weeks he would be gone and my life would change forever.

I am finally saying goodbye--my heart finally realizing he is truly gone.  I have melancholy moments, but this morning every nerve is tuned to the realization something is coming.  My heart, my life, my whole being looks forward to what God has in mind for me.  I feel a mixture of fear and joy as I face this great unknown.  But Life is like that. 

Above you see my reference photo of the beautiful Rena, who is as lovely inside as she is outside.  I am so grateful to this lovely young woman for her willingness to model for me.  She is another of my beloved adopted daughters.

Happy Paint Party Friday and thank you for dropping by.  I look forward to hearing from you.  Your comments and art are a constant encouragement to me.  May blessing and hope be yours, sweet Friends!  

I will See Him Again

Four years ago today, my Beloved flew home to heaven.  It was unexpected.  I still can't believe he's gone sometimes.  Today my Alan is with the Lord and I am grateful he is there--I smile through my tears.  He is in a better place and some day I will see him again. 

Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope.  For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. According to the Lord’s word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep.   

For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first.  After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever.  Therefore encourage one another with these words. 

 ~ 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18

My husband could read Greek fluently.  He was a teacher and often taught that in the original language the words "caught up together with them" has the idea of being caught up next to those we know and love...  I treasure that hope with all my heart.

Mourning into Joy

Above you see an enhanced photo of a heart I saw in my old wood stove.  It was beautiful--and seems like the perfect beginning to share the wonderful thing that happened on my way home from church  Easter Sunday afternoon.

Above is the original photograph.  

After Easter services, I stopped for takeout from My Beloved's favorite restaurant. He was on my mind so much yesterday--and I wanted to celebrate his life this way. Haha--he really, really loved good food.

As I was waiting in the darkened room at the counter, with its lights beaming down upon me, the young man behind the counter came up to chat. I shared why I was there and who's life I was celebrating.  I noticed then his eyes were full of unshed tears. I was touched--there was something about that kid. So I gave him the bit of "napkin art," I had drawn of Alan as I waited.

Out of the blue he introduced himself  and confided he had just lost his cousin--a dear brother to him. He had returned home from the memorial the day before.

Then Daniel asked how I was able to get through the sorrow, the grief--and I told him. It was a long conversation...and when we were done speaking together, Daniel placed his hand over his heart and with tears sparkling in his eyes he said, "Thank you. You have brought me great comfort today."

I was so moved. To think the awful grief I have been working through would have been such a help to that dear young man...It was a gift--SO sweet to my heart.

I felt God's power in sharing my journey. The words I said came from Him, not me.

Praise to God for His loving kindness and sweetness--for His comfort, that I have the privilege of sharing the comfort with which I have been comforted...God truly does bring joy out of mourning.

Beauty From Ashes -Paint Party Friday

This bit of art is a little different than my usual art.  There was a page in my sketchbook covered with steaks of color as well as scratchings from micron pens.  I'd been testing colors and nib sizes for another drawing.  But, it was really good paper and I didn't have the heart to toss it.  So--I decided to doodle--and as a result--this drawing.

In some ways this drawing depicts in part, another major heart shift.  The sweet words I heard were "beauty from ashes." I don't know what that means yet, but I am looking forward to discovering what is ahead.  This past year has been one of the most difficult yet since my Beloved flew away to heaven. 

Part of my struggle has been that of becoming the woman I am to be without my Beloved.  I was married much longer than I was single...and we were partners.  There are questions....Who am I really?  I am who I am when I am by myself.   Once again I have realized the person I become now, depends upon the things I put into my heart and life.

Those ingredients are, first of all, time with God and doing His will in my life--then treasuring family and friends.  Acquiring wisdom, knowledge and purpose--maybe even taking some college courses.  Then there are celebration, beauty, laughter...and tears. 

I think my Darling would be proud of me so far, and that is a dear comfort.  The truth is, though I am discovering who I am as a single person--that person was shaped by my Beloved--he made my life an adventure.  We learned so much together.  (sigh)  I miss him.

Blessings to you in your life's journey dear ones--thank you for dropping by, and Happy Paint Party Friday.

Life's Sweet Sadness

The drawing above is a draft of a card from our family, to be sent out at Christmas in the early 1990's.  I see the bright happiness and sweetness of our family reflected in this graphite sketch.  How life has changed since those long ago days.

Three years ago, right about this moment, Alan was being rushed to the hospital to take his last breaths.

That day is emblazoned upon my heart and into my eyes.  I miss my Beloved.  There is a certain heart hunger for his presence which will always be a part of my life.

I am SO thankful to have shared this great adventure with my husband.  What wonderful fun we had.  Such tussles we had--a great love with all the ingredients of life--laughter, tears, sweetness, anger, work, companionship, love.  My family and I have been blessed.

I am grateful to God for bringing Alan into my life.  My Beloved put the flavor into living.  I grieve, I always will.  But there is so much for which to be thankful.  Blessings to you all, dear ones.

My Beloved in the Clouds -SkyWatch Friday

Here is the face of my Beloved.  Monday is Alan's Heaven Day.  It will be the third anniversary of his parting from us.  He left a big hole in all our lives, and is sorely missed.

He was a beautiful person.  I miss him with all my heart.

Above you see the original cloud I caught with my camera.  I hardly had to do a thing.

God bless you, dear ones.  It is a good thing to look up. Have a lovely weekend and Happy Skywatch Friday.

A Beautiful Beginning

This is a pen and ink drawing from years ago.  It is of me, my Beloved Husband Alan, and our first born.  Oh, we were so young, with many adventures ahead.

I still feel like he might come in the back door laughing, his eyes sparkling, with a story to tell and a joke to make me laugh.  I miss him so much.  We were married for 31 years.  It is hard to believe he has been gone for three years at the end of this month.

I will always treasure our adventure. 

Stones and Roses -Paint Party Friday

When hard moments persist, one of my greatest comforts is to let my fingers draw what is in my heart.  This drawing was done in a difficult moment after the Fourth of July, when I was missing my Beloved.

Today is my parent's anniversary--they would have been married for 60 years today.  Daddy flew to heaven in 2012.  It is also my brother's birthday.  Cancer took him in 2001.  So many precious friends and family have gone on.  I am happy for them--but they are missed.

Grief is like the ocean...rising to crash into the shoreline--then sliding back to a subtle life rhythm.  It will always be a part of my life.  The storms still rise now and again, but not as many as before.

This little tear-filled faery leans upon the rocks to weep.  But in a moment she will smile through her tears to flit into the warmth of the sun and the fragrance of the roses.

Have a lovely weekend, dear Friends.  Happy Paint Party Friday!

Lifted -Paint Party Friday

I have had lots of trouble sleeping at night.  I miss my Beloved husband very much--and the nights are the worst.

So, when I am unable to sleep, I often doodle.  The doodle above took several nights of drawing.  It is called Lifted.

There were tears in every line as I drew this--but when it was done, I realized it is a picture of my song of hope.

Above you see my reference photo.  This beautiful picture is of lovely Jessica, a DA stock model.

God bless you all, and Happy Paint Party Friday. 

Happy Birthday Honey -Paint Party Friday

Today is his birthday. 

I drew this for my husband in 1984.  It was our very first Valentine's Day together.  I will always miss my Beloved.  He was so vital and full of life and humor.  I love him so much.

Blessings to each of you today.  May God give you love and joy beyond anything you could think, ask for, or dream.

Happy Paint Party Friday!

Her Prayers -Paint Party Friday

I have been away for quite some time.  I have missed all you wonderful people.  Though it has been nearly two and a half years, this past month has been one of the most difficult since I lost the love of my life.  This is a drawing I did just after he passed away--I completed the lineart version last week.

I hope you enjoy the details.  The sea is a picture of grief--how it is always there--the light house signifies the hope of landing on solid ground and the Light which guides me.  The boat represents courage and strength.  I will battle the rising waves--I will hang on.  The high seas engulfing that tiny craft will soon smooth themselves into peace.

Above you see my lovely model Rena.  I adore this photo--there's a sunbeam coming down upon her.  Something the camera did all on its own.

I hope you have a lovely weekend, dear Friends.  It is good to be back.  Happy Paint Party Friday!

A Time for Weeping -Paint Party Friday

February has been especially hard for me.  I have a fondness for the book of Ecclesiastes, written by King Solomon and found in the Old Testament of the Bible.  He was the wisest man in the world and had a lot of wonderful things to say.  In chapter three, he writes, "there is a time for weeping and a time for laughter."  Ah, how true that is.  This has been a month of tears for me, as I miss my Beloved with all my heart.

David, who was King Solomon's Father wrote the songs found in the Psalms.  He wrote, "The LORD is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit." (Psalm 34:18) I have felt the crushing burden of grief, where I am hardly able to function under the terrible pain of sadness.  I  miss the love of my life.  Yet there is hope. 

I will choose to trust the Lord--the One Who loves me--He will bring me through these tears and there will be joy in the morning.

Have a lovely weekend, dear Friends.  

My Beloved -Paint Party Friday

It has been awhile since I posted a cloud painting.  I have been so busy this week that I haven't done much artwork, so this will have to do.  This sky painting is of my Beloved--from 2008.  Every now and again I catch the faces of people I love in the clouds...this one was on our anniversary years and years ago.

Tomorrow would have been our 33rd anniversary.  I miss him so dearly.  Our life together was truly an adventure--one filled with memories of both difficult and good.  I am so grateful for the time we had together.  Our life together was so amazing...so wonderful.  And you know--one needs both sunshine and rain to make a rainbow.  My life has been spent in the rainbow.

I took this photo on our anniversary years ago.  We were at the beach and the cloud looked so much like Alan's profile, I snapped a picture of him.

Have a lovely day, dear ones--hug those you love and have a beautiful Paint Party Friday!  Thank you so much for dropping by. 

The Viking and His Lady -Paint Party Friday

One year ago today, I lost the love of my life.  This drawing felt exactly right--to honor my husband and the love we shared--perfect for this week's Paint Party Friday. 

I miss Alan so much.  And yet still, life goes on.  Sometimes I feel the entire world should have stopped when he flew away to heaven. 

Yet without both the rain and sun--there would be no rainbows, there would be no hope.  And I have the wonderful hope that I will see my Beloved again one day.

Life is fragile, sweet Friends.  Treasure your family.  Time spent with them is precious and irreplaceable. ((hugs))

Happy Paint Party Friday, all you wonderful artists and beautiful people. God bless you, dear ones.  Have a lovely weekend and thank you for dropping by.

The Pit -Paint Party Friday

This morning I was looking through some old drawings and came across this one.  It touched my heart SO deeply.  There is no pit so deep, that GOD is not deeper still.  These are the words of Corrie Ten Boom, a survivor of a Nazi Concentration Camp during World War Two.

I was outside watering, when I had the overwhelming feeling that any moment my Beloved would come striding around the corner of the house with that wonderful smile of his.  The one he had just for me.  The feeling was SO strong...and I waited...

And then I remembered he was gone.  It  was heartbreaking.  I miss him so much.

There are many of us who've lost friends and family we love.  Each of us wrestles with that pain, sorrow and loss every day.  These words, this drawing is for you.  You are not alone, dear ones.  If you are lost in the depths of sorrow and despair, He is there beside you. 

Happy Paint Party Friday, all you wonderful artists and beautiful people. May God bless you, dear ones, especially those of you who weep, with His joy and peace.  Have a lovely weekend and thank you for dropping by.

Him Who Loves Me -Paint Party Friday

As summer draws near, the aroma of roses and honeysuckle fill the still warm air.  Sunshine sparkles, as thin wisps of white curl across the blue sky.  

This is my first summer without my sweet husband.  I miss his blue eyes, the way they would glow with excitement as he related stories from his day.  I miss his wisdom, tenderness and kindness and the touch of his lips on mine.  

This week has been very hard.  The numbness which first shields the mind in times of emergency and extreme trauma, has worn away. Renewed grief, like an underground river, flows through each day.  I know this will pass--it is the work of grief to weep and struggle on through--to stay whole, it is something I must do. 

I am grateful that I am not alone when the tears come flooding into my eyes.  The Good Shepherd--Him Who loves me, is here.  He walks beside me, and holds me in His arms when I do not have strength to keep going.

How grateful I am for the Lord.  He is indeed well-acquainted with sorrow, but He is also the author of joy--He is the one who promised, "Joy comes in the morning..."  For now I am safe in the arms of Him Who loves me.

Happy Paint Party Friday, all you wonderful artists and beautiful people. May God bless you, dear ones, with His joy and peace.  Have a lovely weekend and thank you for dropping by.

Stars in the Desert -Paint Party Friday

Here is a recent graphite drawing from my sketchbook.  I have started drawing again in earnest.  My fingers are not near as stiff as they were--I believe my inability to draw had much to do with mourning the loss of my Beloved.   I was frozen for awhile.

Sometimes the road I travel is rocky and full of tears.  But then I remember to look up at the stars and to Him Who made the Heavens.   He is the Creator Who loves me and walks with me. 

For the twinkles in the skies, I used the Star of David.  I love the way the star looks--so perfectly balanced and beautiful.

Happy Paint Party Friday, all you wonderful people. Thank you for dropping by.